confederate monument lovers…
you want to honor your ancestors’ fight to uphold their racist & unpatriotic antics and belief system
AND simultaneously not be held accountable for their actions.
my my, what big privilege you have there, boys & girls.
all the better to micro-aggressively brutalize us with, it seems.
someone posted question on Facebook about whether or not a statue celebrating civil war soldiers should remain standing in my hometown, Statesville NC. my thoughts after i saw that post and after taking in some of the happenings surrounding the recent protest/riot in Charlottesville, VA are as follows:
the issue is less about the physical monuments that celebrate white supremacy and more so about the very real and relevant presence of white supremacy that is ingrained in our society. those of us who are melanin-rich deal with it daily on some level whether we are aware of it or not. and those of you who are white are also oppressed by white supremacy even it’s simply by your own ignorance and privilege.
people are arguing that these monuments should remain standing to remind us of our history so that it is not repeated, however these monuments do not have anything to do with making a less oppressive society and thereby changing the outcome of our future. it is daily interactions that facilitate that. it is breaking down a system that is designed to divide and suppress certain groups of people that will change our future. clearly America hasn’t learned from its history and has continued to repeat its habits of brutalization against people here and abroad; people who practice religions outside of Christianity and even some of y’all who are Christians…the gentrification of predominantly brown neighborhoods, feeding us poison, displacing groups of people to feed greed, allowing big corporations to tell us all how inferior we are so that we buy meaningless shit and keep them rich… i mean, really who does America really love? what kind of history are y’all celebrating and giving honor to? maybe we need to erect statues of Hitler as well you know, to remind us not to hate and persecute Jews. oh but wait even without those Hitler statues some of us were still able to get the message. keep your statues and feel free to continue to honor your ancestors who brutalized people and fought for the right to perpetuate brutalization. it is a testament to your mindset. this isn’t about black and white, it’s about humanity. y’all repeating history on a daily basis already. that’s why we are where we are.
Peace. It’s too late by some people’s standards to wish you a happy new year, but I’m gonna do it anyway. Happy New Year!
Today is MLK Day. Some people are off work today. Not me. I’m an entrepreneur so I technically work everyday. My work today consists of nothing major, just working on a couple custom jewelry orders and some general creativity. I got my ass handed to me by my partner in life & business last night so I’m also brainstorming on ways to diversify and increase income.
And I’m asking myself what more I can let go that will make me lighter and not hold me back. I have been afraid. Afraid of not being able to be myself and still be successful. Can I be my authentic self and reach the level of success that suits me? Is this something that can really be achieved on my terms or will I have to compromise my values, my sanity, my overall wellness? Is it ok to put myself out there?
I am not sure if it’s possible but I am mentally and emotionally exhausted, I realized. I am not content with my current situation and I am tired of second-guessing myself. At my core, I know I am great. And it is time to start really living into that. So this blog is me putting myself out there. This is my new, public journal. It is my purpose to be as honest as I can. In no way am I perfect and neither is my life. And I don’t have all the answers but I am actively working to be better daily.
At the end of yoga teacher training last April, I said that I was leaving fear behind. At some point during 2016 I unknowingly picked it back up. Well, I’m burying fear this time, and I am not going back to dig it up. Cheers to 2017.
Thanks for reading.
Three years ago today
a shift caused by
the night previous.
i had just celebrated
my 32nd solar return,
and under the lunar lamp
of my 32nd moon,
my small frame was jolted
as i was forced to the ground
an AK 47 shoved into my back
under a barrage of curses
& “Americano putas”…
That is an excerpt from one of the most memorable episodes of my life. This morning I awakened very early and I know it was around that time 3 years ago we finally found ourselves in safety…not quite on U.S. soil yet, but close. The sun had begun to come up and shine upon a new day.
Surviving that night with minor physical injuries meant something…it still means something. And there was a notable shift in here, in me. There was a clicking in place of puzzle pieces that had eluded me before August 2013. To say that I am merely grateful for surviving does not do what I have felt since then any justice. The feeling of gratitude only scratches the surface… I rode back over the Mexican border knowing everything I needed was within. I am purposed for something more.
I finally feel as if I’m getting a handle on things. I am on a break from the road currently and I can breathe deeply again for the first time in months. It’s crazy how stressful traveling can be, especially when you are traveling every week and the time between that traveling is filled with preparation for the next trip.
It feels good to breathe again, y’all. It feels good to plant my bare feet in sun-warmed grass for a little while and bust out a couple vinyasa’s in the yard just because I have the time to do so. This is a period of recharging, which is typical for me leading up to changing seasons. A couple weeks ago, I got rid of a lot of my clothing and personal belongings. Although I donated quite a bit, I know that I am still holding on to a lot. I am looking forward to the next big purge that will likely come at the end of this year.
In the midst of recharging and letting of what doesn’t serve, I am also gearing up for the next major wave of business activity as I know more opportunities will arise very soon. Have I mentioned how good it feels to breathe??? And I have time to paint and create again! I can’t wait to get started on creative projects that are not solely for my brand, but for simple expression and the sake of creating so I can be happy.
Anywho… here I am again; trying to consistently share what I do via blog. This is another attempt at discipline for me and I am determined to share with you all on a regular basis. So in between consistent blogging, I will be here…or there…or somewhere in the world breathing deeply and doing my best to stay rooted while in almost constant motion.
I hope to share lots more in the upcoming weeks, months, and years. Thanks for reading.
By default, I spend a considerable amount of time alone. This is a great thing as I am able to process my thoughts uninterrupted and focus on feeding my creativity and building up Jun E Caniel, Inc. as a brand. I do socialize with my mom and my seven-year-old niece. Mom and I attend yoga classes together about three times a week now, which makes for meaningful interactions as well.
I love yogis. Duh because I am one too. We can come together and bend and contort our bodies into the most awkward postures without fear of judgement. And everyone is so nice! Mom and I were engaged in a conversation with a yoga instructor and a fellow student. This was just after New Year’s and the two of them started talking about New Year’s resolutions.
The student said, “I don’t do resolutions. I make a covenant with myself.” How intriguing! She made a covenant with herself not to work out everyday, but instead to move in ways that make her feel good. Wow! How insightful! I LOVE that concept. I don’t do resolutions either and I love the way she put it.
In my mind, I’m thinking “THAT’S what I want to do!” I don’t want to fake commit to going to the gym for an hour of cardio 3-4 days a week. I only want to move in the ways that feel good to me and make me feel good about myself. And sitting there listening to that beautiful woman, I made a covenant with myself to keep practicing yoga everyday, because I love the way it makes me feel above anything else. Yes, it’s a spiritual thing for some. And yeah, it is a self-awareness thing. And without a doubt, yoga is good for me physically. But I do it mainly because it makes my body move in a way that is pleasing to my soul.
And I dance everyday, whether it’s in front of the mirror in my bedroom or in Zumba class on Mondays. Dancing has always felt good to me. 🙂
In every aspect of my life, I want only to move in the ways that feel good. At this point, I’ve spent enough time alone to know when my inner voice is saying, “Ok now, Tiya. Stretch and test those limits. Breathe. Keep going. Yeah, it’s a little scary and you may face plant but damn, this feels amazing!”
All of our movements should be those that bring life to our souls.
Peace, Jun E ones.
Hey, beautiful people! It’s me…Tiya. I’m back after a ridiculous and unplanned hiatus from blogging. And it’s not as though I was very consistent in the first place lol. Anyway, here I am!!! Yay!
The year 2014 was a motherfucker for me, y’all. There were all kinds of emotional roller-coasters with all kinds of peaks and valleys, BUT I’m still standing. And I discovered that I’m much stronger, wiser, and patient than I ever knew. It seems like everyone I come into contact with says they experienced a tremendous amount of personal growth last year. I think that’s what some would call “collective consciousness”.
It was a beautiful and painful year in many different ways but I’m leaving all the negative (habits, thoughts, emotions) shit behind! None of it has been beneficial! My company would be a lot further had I learned to master myself sooner. But it’s cool because I believe we learn what we need exactly when we are in the right mindset to receive and apply it. That being said, 2015 will for sure be a year of manifestation and clarification.
I get excited just thinking about it! And I’m throwing caution to the wind and living the way I want! My partner in crime/husband is always telling me to just put myself “out there”. He is always lecturing me about sharing my talents with the world… Welp, it’s finally sunk in. Now I’m on fire with so many creative ideas for my business as well has my art (they really aren’t separate)! I am making a promise to share what I have with the world from this day forward, whether it’s my Jun E Caniel designs, my art pieces, doodles, poetry, half-baked notions, observations… Whatever it is, I promise to share. I’ve held too much in for too long and that’s not even me.
It’s time I get back to being who I am. I am expressive by nature. Why else would I be bursting with creative ideas all the freaking time??? So there it is. That’s my promise. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Stay tuned for more.
Peace, balance & Jun E love to you!